Top Pizza 5 Toppings, Pros and Cons (P&C)

Top Pizza 5 Toppings, Pros and Cons (P&C)

Seeing as this is the christening of the blog, I will address the blog as “The Maiden Voyage of the Good Ship Weis” or TMVOGSW for short. Fueled only by a Totino’s Pepperoni pizza, which is the same texture and consistency of a big, flat, round sponge, and a Cherry Coke, I will try to make it to the end before my pointless rambling becomes incoherent or worse.

Since we are only a few days removed from the first Sunday of NFL football, here is the pros and cons weighed for an important part of game day, pizza toppings.

1. PepperoniPros: Pepperoni is a manly topping, and generally recognized as a universal favorite. Well, unless someone is a vegetarian but then they don’t really have the right to be watching football and deciding what’s coming on the pie. Then again, no one really has a vegetarian-football-watching friend to begin with. Cons: Pepperoni in its prepizza form takes the shape of a dong. If you can’t get passed the donglike properties than you may have some sexuality issues you need to deal with. Regardless of that, sometimes places have shitty pepperoni. I’m talking about you Cho Pang Wang’s Italian Eatery.

2. SausagePros: Sausage makes the pizza ideal for the fact that you can eat it cold the next day for breakfast because it is generally a breakfast food. But seeing as watching football is generally viewed as an all day event, no pizza should make it passed the end of the 4PM(EST), 8PM(GMT) games. The bountiful use of spices makes this a good pick.
Cons: Everyone has a friend who “Isn’t a huge fan of sausage. No-homo.” Blatant homosexual reference aside, sausage, like pepperoni, also has the tendency to resemble a dong. It’s even a euphemism for one.

3. Ham
Pros: Ham tastes good. So to put it on something that already tastes good should be a no-brainer. Most people like ham so the choice should go over fairly well with the football watching crowd. With an added bonus, ham doesn’t look like a dong like the previous two. So no homosexual connotations can be construed from ham now can they?
Cons: No one gets ham on pizza. You’re friends will think you’re a tool shed.

4. Banana Peppers
Pros: A step toward the healthier lifestyle. Peppers add a nice kick to the pizza and their yellow green (or is it green yellow?) appearance makes the pizza even look classier. Unlike most pizza toppings, people who don’t like these on their pizza will avoid picking them off by not eating it at all. Then there’s more for you.
Cons: See #1 and #2 for “resembles a dong”.

5. Pineapple
Pros: A step away from the ordinary. Pineapple has a sweetness that cannot be matched by conventional pizza toppings. Your friends will think you’re hip and cool. And as a cool factoid, pineapples were actually used as weapons by the Hawaiians in the pre-colonial days (That isn’t actually true but they don’t know that…) Cons: Your friends might think you’re an idiot and not hip or cool. Tastes like crap.